I Was Awkward with God

At the beginning of my healing process in the time after my husband left, I felt awkward with God. I have always thought I knew God, loved Him, followed Him and wanted to do the right thing...but I now know I have not always done that.

The few months of my marriage were hard for me because I wanted so badly to be close to God but I just didn’t know how to do it. My husband and I went to church every week and we enjoyed trying to find a church in our new city. This was great but I needed more. I got a book for us to do a Bible study together because I wanted to grow closer to God together…but I didn’t want to do it by myself.

Ironically, now I have to do it all on my own...I kind of don’t have a choice. I have weekly Bible studies with friends and I am involved at church, but I don’t have a husband that I live with that I can study daily with. I am finding out that I’m actually very thankful for the situation I am in because it has forced me to truly rely on God and not my husband. And I am LOVING it. It’s so great.

At first, I was super awkward with God. I didn’t even know that was possible. I prayed to him and I begged him so much for my marriage to be saved but that clearly did not happen. I thankfully was never mad at God for not saving my marriage, I just was so trusting in Him the entire time.

At my new church, I noticed that one of my friends would tell God that she loves Him and trusts Him in every one of her prayers. She would end it with “we love You and we trust You, amen”. I love that she did this and so I tried it one time. I was like “God I love you”, and I immediately felt sooooo awkward. He is my FATHER! What!! This should not be a weird concept to say that I love Him!!

The thing is, I knowwww that He loves me so much! This was a learning point for me because I realized that I needed to truly love God and be OK with saying that...even if it was a little bit awkward. I’m thankful that I now tell God I love Him every single day. It is a little bit weird sometimes just because I’m not used to it, but I’m definitely getting there.

Are you ever awkward with God? I know a lot of people who feel ashamed because of something they have done and don’t want to even talk to God because they just feel so awful. Well let me tell you, I felt SO awful about the divorce. I mean gosh I didn’t initiate it, but I still was in it. God doesn’t love divorce. I felt awful. I was right in the middle of the mess.

But now today, I’m SO confident that God loves me and that God loves my ex-husband so much. SO. MUCH. He also loves you. SO MUCH. Don’t be awkward with God, just chat it up with him and I promise you, He will change your life. PROMISE. Trust in Him and have a relationship with Him. It’s pretty radical.

Drop a prayer request in the box like always if I can pray for you!!! I would absolutely love to.

xoxo,

Morgan Leigh

i like adding photos to my blog posts, so here is an awkward photo of me as a 3-year-old