This is what I said when I was going through the divorce and I was BAWLING my eyes when I said this. Let me explain!
My husband came home and said he wanted a divorce. I was in shock for 30 minutes and then the tears hit. Then, after a lot of talking and crying and confusion, I saw our sweet Frankie boy walk by. I ran over to him and hugged his furry little face so much. I was so sad and I didn’t know WHAT would happen with the dog. Minutes go by and my husband so sweetly said, “Morgan, do you want Frank?” and without ANY hesitation I said yes immediately. Yes. I needed the dog.
I’ll be honest, when my husband said this, I saw so much love in his eyes. He knew how much Frankie meant to me. Frank (the dog, if you are confused) had lived with me almost his whole life but, he was our dog together. We were a family.
A week went by and the divorce is moving and grooving right along. Papers have been given and signatures had been signed…my ex-husband was wasting no time. I will remind all of my readers that this is not what I wanted. I want you to see divorce from my perspective…I did not want it at all and was praying constantly for my marriage.
My husband and I decided to do the divorce where we agreed on all assets and didn’t have two attorneys do it for us. I am thankful for this but don’t get me wrong, it was still extremely difficult for me. Divorce is not a fun and fancy party where you all get along and its fabulous! It sucks! There were times we agreed but there were times that I had to make sure of what I was doing, and that took time. Man I will NEVER forget me asking my husband at the time what something meant and then I said, “actually I can't trust you. I forget we aren’t friends.” AND HE AGREED WITH ME. WHAT THE HECK!
My husband was agreeing that we couldn’t trust each other. In the process of divorce...okay I mean I guess that makes sense. But my little brain did not understand that the man I had trusted and loved for 3.5 YEARS was now someone I was going to court AGAINST. Goodness. Divorce is just such an awful thing.
Moving on to basically say that sometimes we did not agree on the dog. I personally like to still think good things of my ex-husband and I will say that I think this was his attorney talking for him, but I have no idea and it honestly doesn’t matter. We would be discussing assets or papers, and sometimes it wouldn’t go smoothly. Surprise divorce has road bumps. My husband would tell me that I couldn’t have the dog anymore. Or say that I could have the dog but he got everything else…things like that. This is the part where I don’t think that was my husband talking. It absolutely could be!! But I just couldn’t ever accept the fact that he would be THAT hateful to his WIFE geeze. I blame it on the attorney trying to just get the best thing for his client.
Whatever anyways so all of this to say, the dog was my biggest worry throughout the whole entire divorce. My people (friends, attorney, etc.) would say “Morgan literally get another dog and just move on”. But oh no it doesn’t work that way. I’m sorry but I would literally do anything in the entire world for my sweet Frank!
This is when my come to Jesus moment was in the divorce. This was my breaking point and the time I know I fully gave my trust in God. I would literally go home each day at lunchtime to make sure my dog was there. I was very paranoid about Frank, to say the least. One day, it was getting close to the time for me to move out. I was at work and I had this sudden fear that I would get home and Frank wouldn’t be there. I can't explain this feeling…it was like nothing I had ever had before. It was about 2:30 and I went to my boss and said I HAD to leave right then to check on Frank.
Honestly, at that point, I would have been fine getting fired if it meant I could go check on Frank – truly an unexplainable moment and feeling. My boss was extremely understanding through the divorce so he said of course I could go check and I sprinted to the car…super professional right. I got in the car and I turn on the music to my Christian playlist (lifesaver let me tell you). I wish I remembered what song came on, but whatever it was got me BAWLING my eyes out.
I remember exactly where I was on the road, this is truly the beginning of my faith story. I was crying so hard, it was definitely not safe to be driving (sorry mom). I cried to God and I said, “I trust You SO much that if Frank isn’t at home, I trust You, God. I will be SO sad and I don’t even know what I will do, but God I trust You! If you need [my ex] to take Frank, okay Lord. He can have Him. I trust You. I am not going to just give Frank up for fun, but God make it clear if that is what You want from me. I am all Yours. You have taken my husband away and man, I do not understand why, but if you have to take Frank, then okay Lord.”
Of course, I was crying SO much during this but friends, this was a LIFE CHANGER for me. I feel like this blog does not explain it well at all, but I was so ready in this moment to do whatever it took for God to change my life.
I got home and cute little Frankie boy was there just like normal and man on MAN I did not let him leave my side that entire evening! I still knew God might take Frank away during the rest of the divorce, but I just had so much trust in Him. It was still hard, don’t get me wrong. But I had a different mindset. A trusting mindset. A faith mindset.
This reminded me SIGHTLY of two Bible characters. Job and Abraham. Job lost everything and Abraham was seconds away from sacrificing his son. I say slightly reminds me of these characters because goodness, it is literally 1% the same. I cannot imagine losing EVERYTHING and I absolutely cannot imagine having God ask me to sacrifice Frank…and he isn’t even my actual child (even though yes, I do call him my son, duh).
When I started my Bible reading that night after telling God to take away Frank if He needed to, I read Job. I was interested to see how Job handled losing everything and that sparked some interesting prayers for me that night. I remember sleeping in my bed, with Frank, praying for God to please not take away my family and friends and of course, Frank. I kept saying how God had taken my husband and I didn’t understand it. It was a weird prayer, I remember I didn’t know how to pray it. I wanted God to know I trusted Him but obviously didn’t WANT my family or friends or Frank to get taken away.
I got to the point where the logistics of my prayer became too confusing, I was making it complicated. I just said, “God I am sorry for being confusing. I love you and I want you to do whatever you need for my life. You took [my ex] away, take whatever else you need God.”
This is a weird prayer but it was the defining moment in my faith. I don’t at all pray and ask or tell God to take Frank away, but I thank God every day for Frank. I thank God for a lot each day. I pray throughout the day and say, “I love You and I trust You, God” because I do, friends! I hope you can see how my trust in Him has grown since I have been divorced. I hope you can put your faith and trust in God, in all situations! Let me be praying for you, as always! Drop a prayer request in the box.
Xoxo,
Morgan Leigh
I used to be scared of dogs so it’s kinda crazy how God used a literal dog to be a huge part of my faith story!!! Also, we love kayaking!!
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